He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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