Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
