So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
