i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
