She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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