Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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