Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
