just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
