i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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