I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
