I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
