She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
