just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
