I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And then he peed in my hair
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