So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
