Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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