I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
