The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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