I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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