I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
