I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry about my life...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
