And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
