Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
