I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
