i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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