First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
