hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
