I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
