So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
