I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
