There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
