Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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