every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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