I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
