it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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