he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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