# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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