I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
