I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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