FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
