Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
