Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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