i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
only you would photoshop your dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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