omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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