how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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