Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
