you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize