The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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