people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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