would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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