; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
