To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there was a trapeze. enough said
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
