help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
