We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
