Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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