Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My feet surprised me
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