I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
