am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
