You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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