I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
