What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
