peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
