He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
