Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
