I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize